National Lampoon | The Humor Magazine Est. 1970

If You Build It, They Will Come: F#cking Inventions Throughout History

We hear from our friends at Gizmodo that Fleshlight has made a iPad case you can make sweet sweet love to. Throughout history, man has loved his new devices. Technology has given a boner to men since the dawn of invention. From early sexy made tools and arrowheads of homo erectus to the steam engine, when there's been a hot new gadget, man has fucked it. 5 other inventions through history man has had sex with: Promethean Era: Fire- Man's first instinct when feasting his eyes on the shiny crackle and sparkle of the flame was to get near it. When he felt ...

All is Well with Cosmetic Surgery

KESSLER It’s fairly common to hear human beings claim satisfaction with their natural outward appearance given the reasoning that “beauty is in the eye of the beholder” or that “we’re all god’s creatures” and “we should be happy with what the lord gave us.” But such pious malarkey is of precious little comfort to those stricken with offensive countenances accented by repulsive features that make others turn their heads in disgust. Often such hideous creatures are drawn to renounce their faith in traditional monotheistic customs and turn to another ritual, one that can remedy the wanton cruelty of their maker ...

Lost In Catholic Translation

If there is one constant about the Roman Catholic Church through the centuries, it is this: they love change. So Catholics around the globe had to be delighted this past November when the Vatican issued a new translation of its mass in order to bring the text closer to the original Latin. This is in keeping with their new mission statement: "Looking to the future by using a dead language." Here are some of the highlights of the new translation: One of the biggest changes in the mass comes early on. For decades, Catholics have been trained according to the following response: Priest: The ...

WIN STUFF: The Million Vote Drive with DORITOS Crash The Super Bowl

We here at National Lampoon love three things. We love humor, we love linking out to funny videos, and we love tasty snacks. Until now, we've had a terrible time finding a way to combine the three into one dynamite package. A while back, we had an office contest to see who could laugh the longest with a mouthful of DORITOS chips while watching a viral video without any DORITOS mush trickling out. It was kind of disgusting. We held a few official meetings to remedy the problem, but despite our creative nature, there just didn't seem to be any other logical ...

BREAKING NEWS: RICK SANTORUM’S SWEATER VEST ACTUALLY WON IOWA CAUCUS

WASHINGTON D.C. In a major upset in a day of turmoil in the GOP nominating race, it was released today that Rick Santorum's sweater vest was the actual winner in the Iowa Caucus edging out powerhouse Mitt Romney's pearly white smile by 8 votes. With 131 precincts reporting, but with 3 losing all of their data and 14 forgetting entirely that this wasn't in fact voting for this coming season of American Idol. It seems that the GOP is calling this race a 'split decision' and moving on to South Carolina. But with Rick Perry stepping down to head back to running the country of Texas, a gap ...

Rob Lowe Predicts the Future

Today beloved television and film actor, Rob Lowe, tweeted to a nation of sports fans hungry for any semblance of news that Peyton Manning would choose today to announce his retirement from the game he has so dominated for the better part of 14 years. While Mr. Lowe's sources have yet to be revealed and his statement yet to be confirmed, we here at National Lampoon were nonetheless impressed by the swift acquisition by Mr. Lowe of his modern day Twitter Nostradamus status. We asked Mr. Lowe to probe his sources – or his possible psychic powers– for a few other ...

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articles

If You Build It, They Will Come: F#cking Inventions Throughout History

We hear from our friends at Gizmodo that Fleshlight has made a iPad case you can make sweet sweet love to. Throughout history, man has loved his new devices. Technology has given a bon ... Read More

The 1%

VIDEO: President Obama’s Response To The GOP Response To The SOTU

President Obama's Response To The GOP Response To The State Of The Union - watch more funny videos ... Read More

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celebs

Lindsay Lohan posing sexy for other magazines

Few joys on God's earth compare to the delight of seeing a woman naked for the first third any time. When a lady chooses to reveal herself to a man, she gives him a sensual gift that says, "I am doi ... Read More

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sports

Terrell Owens: I Wonder if the NFL Thinks of Me Even Half as Much as I Think of Them.

Football player and flamboyant drama king, Terrell Owens told his personal trainer that he misses the NFL. After advising to spread the word that he's interested in playing real professional football ... Read More